"My Transformation "
When I first got on the shuttle bus headed to Rythmia, I was anxious. And when I’m anxious or nervous, I get chatty. I have a hard time with uncomfortable silence, so I tend to fill it up with words. I’ve always viewed myself as strong, in control, and passionate, someone who persevered in spite of the traumas in my life. That was my story: everything was always in spite of. I never saw myself as a victim, and honestly, I didn’t even know what an empath was until this week. Going through this process has been a roller coaster a ride through truths I didn’t want to face. I realized that, yes, I had been living as a victim. I had been layering my soul with trauma, not just my own, but everyone else’s too stacking it all on top of my heart until I couldn’t even find it anymore. I also discovered that I didn’t allow myself to feel. Actually, I didn’t even know how to feel. On day four, I got frustrated, scared I wouldn’t receive my miracle, that I’d be left out or somehow unworthy. I talked to several people who gently suggested maybe I was blocking the medicine by overthinking or trying to control it. Naturally, I shut that idea down right away. I knew I wasn’t doing that… right? Turns out, I was. In the last ceremony, I got the spiritual slap I needed the kind that shakes you awake. I realized that not only had I been blocking my feelings, I had no idea how to access them. I couldn’t remember ever really feeling sadness, joy, or love without anger or resentment tagging along. And then… I did. Apparently, I’m a crier now. For the first time in my life, I cried not out of rage, but from pure emotion. I felt sadness. I felt joy. I felt unconditional love. I will be forever grateful for my time at Rythmia for the people I met, the love I received, and those who gently shepherded me back to my own heart.
Dene' A
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